I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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