i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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