fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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