They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
