Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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