my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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