so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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