Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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