Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
