Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
