We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
