My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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