I didn't shave. On purpose
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
