And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
