you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
