I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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