You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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