Whod you bang
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
