Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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