you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
