Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
