we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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