we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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