it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
