another moral hangover. fuck.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize