apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
cat food counts as protein by the way
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
