if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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