mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
