I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he puts the penis in happiness.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
