They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
