So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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