Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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