I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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