you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
