Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is my gift to your gina
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
