I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
