don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
