I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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