So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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