All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Jerry, you need to find god
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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