why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
