he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
