I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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