I looked at my own cervix.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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