First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
