dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
