I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
