I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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