Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
