I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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