I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
