ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
