Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wish there were birth control emojis
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
