My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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