We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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