i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
