So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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