Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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