if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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