Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i would punch a child for taco bell
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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