so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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