tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
