Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
