Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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