So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
