So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
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I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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