Tell her she can't have a vagina
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
