I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
