Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His nipple licking is glorious
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