omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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