My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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