He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
