it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
